By ... "I got married because I honestly couldn't see myself finding anyone like my wife, let alone a better fit for me as a partner through life." It feels like every time I log on to Facebook, another friend from high school is engaged, married or pregnant. You don’t keep bringing up old issues but instead, you acknowledge when someone messes up and you accept their apology (and they own up to it and change their behavior). Learn about the idea that transformed a depressed deadbeat into one of the most important philosophers who ever lived. With all the definitions of marriage changing (like gay marriage, etc), why get married? See my privacy policy. Marriage is a wonderful, wonderful experience and journey if you choose the right person and have the right mindset. There are also a lot of absolutely terrible reasons to get married. Why You Really Want To Get Married Possession is the root of why people want to marry. And if one or both of you have to suppress or change your values in some way, you’re also in for a rocky marriage. Most of these horrible reasons to get married will probably seem obvious and maybe even a little ridiculous. Why would you like to marry? Because it means having someone to cheer you on and who genuinely wants to see you pursue your dreams and be successful. Whatever it is, getting married to prove something to someone—or yourself—is a god awful reason to do it. To move out … Basically, when you get married, things can get even better if they’re already good, but they only get worse if they’re already bad. Billions of people have done it. Things like how to raise kids (or if you want them at all), religion, how you handle money issues, and so on. I thought I was just “wired” for relationships that were fun but ultimately short-lived. Save yourself from anxiety by reading our comprehensive guide on the why’s and what-to-do’s when pre-wedding panic strikes! I think younger people are in many ways more open to getting married. There are a lot of good reasons to get married. I've never been married or engaged so I'm sure your question might be; how would you know? 1. But the kicker is that men have changed little. Second, work on your relationship skills. Or your father thinks you need to “grow up already.” Or maybe your parents got divorced and you’re determined to show the world that you’re better than them. There’s no doubt about it, the biggest reason why people get married is because it symbolizes a union that is built on love and trust. People around you would corner you to know the reasons why you are not ready to get married. When you have found the person you truly love and they are in a sense your soulmate, then marriage is the ultimate commitment you can make to one another. What sucks even more, though, is marrying the next person who comes along simply because you’re tired of being alone—and then they turn out to be terrible for you. Develop yourself into who you want to be first. I often want to wave a giant neon flag at them shouting, “Don’t do it!” because getting married for the wrong reasons can have dire consequences–not just emotionally, but financially, as well. We are programmed to be social creatures and while the single life may have been fun, while it's lasted, eventually you will start to realize how much more enjoyable the good and even the bad days are when you have someone by your side. And then what? The problem is the way you’re judging and valuing yourself. Why would someone like me get married? Just say I do! Get in-person help and support. But for a lot of us, it’s really hard to take an objective look at our own motivations and see them for what they really are. But that also means there’s an opportunity for you both to a) figure out what each other’s needs are and b) learn how to get your needs met and meet the needs of the other person. Last, you shouldn’t see getting married as something that you have to do for whatever reason. All the other reasons to get married are just additional bonuses when you have found the love of your life and soulmate. Getting married is just one of those traditions that, for most couples, has brought about a more fulfilling life. When you have found the person you truly love and they are in a sense your soulmate, then marriage is the ultimate commitment you can make to one another. Reply to OPQ, yes, I believe fully in what you’ve written. Also learn helpful tips on building a strong marriage right from the start. If finances are a major concern for you, especially if you are hesitant of the many wedding expenses that come with the initial getting married phase, then you’ll want to consider the long-term financial benefits, which can be a good reason to "why would you like to marry". Do your career aspirations and/or lifestyles mesh well with one another? Not only do you provide them with a more supportive home, children of married couples tend to be happier, more outgoing and more goal driven than those from divorced homes, single parents or even step-parent households. But you’re also a team, working towards the same goals. You’re valuing others’ opinions of you more than you’re valuing your own opinion of yourself. Fast forward to today and as a happily married man, I’m honestly surprised by how easy it was for me to transition to a committed, life-long relationship. Married life means you have someone to share all your happy moments with and someone to lean on during the difficult times. They like it like that. Here’s why, at 30, I re-evaluate why I want to get married. Whether you have found the one or not, there are a number of conditions you might want to ask yourself that pertain to why would you like to marry. It takes a lot of time, but it will save you a lot of pain and maybe a divorce or three down the road. Most married couples have a greater chance of overcoming a number of ailments from cancer to heart attacks. Below are some of what I’ve determined to be the most important aspects of a relationship that bode well for a healthy and happy marriage. Relationships can be complicated and difficult. If you are at a loss of what to tell a bride to be, our top 7 picks of marriage advice for the bride will be the best gift you could possibly give her on her big day! You don’t get sick of each other, but when you do need your space, neither of you takes it personally and you give it to each other. Wonderful. If you’re bad at communicating in your relationship, miscommunications will only get worse in your marriage. 11 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Get Married In Your Early 20’s. But if your relationship doesn’t have these things already, let’s just say that it’s going to be pretty hard to make a marriage work in the long run. Enter your email address below and we'll help you reset your password. There's a lot to consider when deciding whether getting married abroad is a good idea. Stop and ask yourself this about your relationship: are your lives going in the same direction and do you share similar values? 21. It is highly unlikely that you will avoid arguments in any relationship but, married individuals tend to discuss the issues with open communication while many cohabiting couples will turn to a more physical and abusive alternative to solve their problems. Become a subscriber to the site and get all that extra cool stuff. A lot more. With a supportive spouse, you can feel more confident in taking the chance on asking for a raise, starting your own business or any other things you have always wanted to do but never have. Then click here to get some inspirations, no matter you like fun and interesting one, or sweet and simple one. I’ve also written a lot about relationships—what makes them good and what makes them bad, why they thrive and why they die, and what you can do to start having better ones. Yep, you want to find the fountain of youth? And then no one “wins.”. I don’t think I will ever get married again… I actually waited until I was certain of the Woman I married and that she meant everything to me, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and that she felt the same way. Here are some of both. It makes you look and sound more professional and trusting. Years ago, I thought of myself as someone who would probably never get married. While married life is not always sunshine and butterflies, a majority of married couples have lower levels of stress hormones than most cohabiting couples or single individuals show. A healthy relationship is not a relationship without arguments. Lots of people ask me which books I’d recommend for understanding and creating better relationships that can lead to a healthy marriage. You’ll probably lose it even more. Only THEY can fuck around — not you. For many of us, our life map was charted way before we were born, by the society we were born into, ... Before you ask the ‘why do I want to get married’ question. 15 Truthful Reasons Men Want To Get Married. Having first year of marriage problems? Like, some people see marriage as a status symbol, so they get married thinking they’ll parade around town with their spouse and people will bow in their presence like they just conquered Westeros or something. A good friendship involves accepting one another unconditionally, flaws and all. If one of you wants to be an actor and live in Los Angeles and one of you wants to live a quiet life on a farm in Idaho, well how exactly is that going to work? If you’re getting married. How would you like to be married to your nanny? And the bigger the issue, the harder it will be to ignore it for long. And when you do fight, it’s important that, ultimately, you forgive each other and you forgive yourself. Is there some way you can communicate when you really need them and are they willing to work with you on it? So it’s best to have someone you can count on in other ways when these things do occur. And maybe most importantly, you think in terms of “we” and “us” and not “you” and “me.” This is a product of having shared values that manifests as a solid, loving friendship. And a lot of those people are either engaged or thinking about getting married. One or both of you will wind up miserable and resenting each other. Terrible Reason to Get Married #2: Because you’re afraid of being alone People with a higher education and socioeconomic status are more likely to get married and, therefore, reap economic benefits of marriage, like tax breaks. AND I LOVE IT. That said, there are a few books out there that I regularly recommend to people, and I reviewed those in another article: 5 Relationship Books Everyone Should Read. The average married household tends to have a higher net worth and larger incomes. It used to be a respectable title, one of provider and bread winner. I was 45. You’ll also receive updates on new articles, books and other things I’m working on. We don’t even talk the same way to each other anymore. They might annoy you in some ways and piss you off in others, but at the end of the day, you still want to be there for them and you want them to be there for you. There is an endless list of reasons why being married is ideal, especially if you are considering children or already have children with your significant other. And I don’t just mean someone giving you an ultimatum—“we need to get married or I’m leaving”—although that’s definitely one giant red flag not to get married. The above reasons to get married stand out because all of them bring you individual happiness. As you well know through your blog readers, most marriages are unhappy (and saturated with adultery, porn, sexless, abusive) because everyone goes into them believing you can be in love with and sexually attracted to the same person your whole life. The best way to learn how to live with a husband you wish you never married is by talking to someone you trust. So if you genuinely love and respect one another, that love and respect can grow and evolve in a married couple. Hi there. No matter what your reason to get married, remember always love you first as the video below says. Why should marriage be any different? Out of my friends and people I went to university with 4 are alredy married and I think 10 or 12 are engaged. Leave your dead-end job and get serious about your career. xoxo. You’ve probably heard this before but no one is going to be happy being with you if you can’t be happy being by yourself. The truth is, while I did a lot of work on myself, a lot of it was just looking for a good partner. You can also get my free ebook on relationships and learn more about dealing with emotional needs in your relationships. It follows in moving your relationship to the next level and entering a new stage of your life. I say this as a happily married man who wasn’t always so happily married: a lot of these reasons described here look like excellent reasons for a man NOT to get married. You met someone, you like spending time with them, they get you, maybe you love them and maybe you can’t imagine a life without them. But there is an important but neglected positive aspect that explains why people voluntarily enter into commitments like marriage: It is a way of expressing your love and devotion to another person. A lot of these things aren’t sexy to think about, but again, any issues you have now in your relationship will be magnified in your marriage. Marriage will give you new experiences and opportunities to grow as a person. You don’t get a gold star and extra warm cookies on the plane just because you’re married. You get to be in the dark. They are more likely to survive a devastating illness, are less likely to have any serious accidents and recover from illnesses more quickly with a supportive and caring partner. 9. After the I do’s come the to-do’s! I’m betting nobody ever told you how to go about doing that though. Gender relations changed drastically. They make eminent sense to you. Sorry, but nothing matched your search terms. You also don’t get to rub it in anyone’s face for more than a few months, tops. I don't feel like I need to go the experience to have some sense of an idea about it. Fill up your things to do after marriage list to preserve the wonderful memories and future home that you have created for your loving safekeeping. Alright, so you’ve determined that you’re not thinking about getting married for the wrong reasons, but you’re not out of the woods yet, my friend. When you get married you are no longer just living for yourself, you find a deeper meaning in your everyday activities when you have someone to share it with. by Gabrielle Sorto. If you don’t have respect for one another, you won’t gain it by getting married. Very sweet at first but I think it's will be right to get married to someone you truelly love and would want to spend the rest of your life with pledging to yourselves to stick together during the ups and down. So, for example, maybe your partner blew you off when you really needed them and you felt hurt by it. A marriage—and any relationship, really—is something that is created by two people. Sure you get a few tax benefits from being a married couple but in the grand scheme of things being married does not grant a man anymore benefits than it does if he were in a long term relationship with a woman. One of you will have to give up on your dreams, creating a downward spiral of resentment and regret. In fact, it feels damn good! Recently I met someone and it’s like you describe, a soul mate, there is a connection there on a level I have never experienced before. He’s never going to have time for the kids you plan to raise. Then find someone who is excited to be with you because you kick so much ass already. After all, it seems like a catch-22: you need to be happy by yourself before you can make someone else happy, but you’re not happy because you don’t have someone to make you happy. In reality, you can get involved with someone without getting married but it can be meaningless if you think about it. As your source for the best marriage information on the web we thought that we’d provide you with a list of 5 reasons why and 3 reasons why not to get married. Check it out. What I mean is that not only are fights inevitable in even the happiest marriage, they can actually be a good thing for the relationship if they are fought in a healthy way. A fact of any long-term relationship is that romance dwindles, sexual desire comes and goes, and life just happens sometimes. After working with dozens of couples on this issue, I’ve put together two checklists below that summarize everything. For those who are married or those who are planning to get married, you might find yourself relating to the following positive reasons for getting married. Committing to someone by getting married amplifies all facets of your relationship. The passion and attraction you have for your partner is a core component to making any relationship last. This can be an especially important reason for why would you like to marry for those who are career driven. That means that, when you do get upset and argue with each other, you try to get to the root of the issue itself and you don’t attack the other person for who they are. And so, when done from a place of mutual respect for one another’s needs, this is how arguments can be a healthy part of a relationship. But you shouldn’t also feel like you have to get married because “that’s what people do” or because you’ve been with someone for a long time and feel like you owe it to them. Find out how you can get the look at a fraction of the price with our budget-friendly guide. Please try again with different keywords. Either way, you need to work this out before getting married. You lived your single life and enjoyed it thoroughly, but you don’t want to be single forever and are mature enough to not only put the efforts into a committed relationship but want to do so. I accept the ups and downs and I know I will be there for my partner no matter what. And even though I’m calling this a “checklist,” I’m not saying that this big of a decision can be boiled down to a few “yes/no” questions and that’s it. Get your finances in order. Along with simply finding more meaning in your life, marriage can be a great motivational factor in pursuing your dreams and goals. This is the part of the website where I put a big toothy grin on my face and scream “BUT WAIT! I dated a lot, slept around, and always had an exit strategy. I have been married for 20 years to my other half. It just seemed like a fact of life. 3 Terrible Reasons to Get Married (And 4 Really Good Ones), The Surprising Science of Goal Setting (And Why You’re Probably Doing It Wrong), 1,273 People Share Their Best Life Lessons from 2020, The Dunning-Kruger Effect: The Paradox of Our Own Ignorance, 7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose, 5 Relationship Books Everyone Should Read, 1,500 People Give All the Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need, A No-Bullshit Guide to Meeting the Right Person, Compatibility and Chemistry in Relationships, 6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal, 6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic, How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship, 3 Simple Explanations for Why You’re Still Single, 7 Things Sex Education Should Have Taught Us But Didn’t, How to Date an Emotionally Stable and Amazing Person, Vulnerability and Avoiding Manipulative Relationships, It’s Complicated: Why Relationships and Dating Can Be So Hard, The Only Way to Be Truly Confident in Yourself, 5 Life Lessons I Learned From Playing Guitar, How To Break Hearts and Risk Losing Everything, If you’re the type who likes a more “academic” perspective, John Gottman’s, And if you find yourself in relationships where you’re constantly fighting with one another, check out. You sound like you are on a great path–getting emotional support and help before diving into a relationship. You act more responsible, see more possibilities and gain more satisfaction out of your daily routine. This is the scientific way to look at marriage, and we think it’s the only way to look at why you should get married. I get hundreds of emails each year from people struggling in their relationships. A healthy relationship is a relationship with healthy arguments. I’ll tell you what: then you’re stuck in a marriage trying to figure out if it was worth it after all. Of course, you recognize and respect one another’s autonomy. Because I love family, and when you get married you get more family members- aunts, uncles, cousins… 23. You can opt out at any time. Similarly, if one of you wants to spend your money on traveling and seeing the world but one of you would rather buy a nice, big house and stay home to take care of it, that’s also a recipe for conflict down the road. There are solutions to working things out! Because wait, there actually is more. Essentially, if one of you has to give up on your dreams, your career, your passions, it’s just not going to work. 1. Ideally we'd like to go off to another country get married come back home and throw a party. Most arguments in relationships come from a misunderstanding of emotional needs. The first checklist is the BAD reasons people get married. Below you’ll find some of the top reasons for why most people take the plunge and tie the knot. If you’d like to check out some online courses I’ve put together, if you’d like to get special subscribers-only articles and responses from me, and if you’re interested in hearing me answer reader questions like I’m Anne fucking Landers and talk a bit more about my own experiences, my business ventures, and what I eat for breakfast on Sundays, well, then there actually is more. Both of you know that either can give up on the relationship in a blink of an eye, creating a sense of tentativeness and insecurity. Even if your relationship is already solid, they are very healthy motives for opting for marriage. Posted Feb 12, 2012 Put your email in the form to receive my 29-page ebook on healthy relationships. Your single life was great but you’re ready for something more, A more intimately fulfilling relationship, How to Write Articles on Everafterguide.com, Brush Up With Necessary Information on Replacing Diamonds in a Ring, How to Clean Diamond Rings – A Step by Step Guide, All You Need to Know About Getting Married in Another State. Well well, getting married at first would afford you (the new couple) opportunity to enjoy yourselves. Instead of telling them that they’re a heartless fuckface who only cares about themselves, you should probably try to understand why you’re so hurt in the first place and address that with them. Sometimes, your real intentions are hidden a few layers deep and you just need someone to lovingly shake them to the surface for you. Because I would really like to get married before my younger sister who is approaching the time in her life when she will be ready to start dating 22. Be there for would you like to get married? why? partner no matter what your reason to get married your dreams, creating downward! Arguments or disagreements youthful looks for years longer than their singles counterparts or cohabitating.., one of those traditions that, ultimately, you won ’ t get married happy! For your partner blew you off when you have found the love of your daily routine learn helpful tips building. Obviously be the number one reason to get started s why, at 30, I why! This should obviously be the number one reason to get married yours met and the... High school is engaged, married or engaged so I 'm sure your question might ;! 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